I used to ask God for the ability to dream. Big, and perchance, more practical dreams. I talk big, dream bigger, but I probably have the heart of a mouse. And in all my idealistic blunders occasionally I find that perhaps the silliest dreams come true more often than not.
I loved living my life through the experiences of others. Not that my own lacked in flavor or even drama, just maybe even my heart transcends that of my own. I've cried watching people do well, cried watching them grow, cried along with them as they too wept, and had my heart broken many a time for heartbreak that wasn't mine.
I used to want to fix people, and how much that attracted me to them. Not that I didn't need any fixing or that I was perfect, but that my brokenness wanted, in fact, desired me to save them, fix them, make them better. I used to fall head over heels over a man I cannot fix, or who had no desire to be fixed. I think about the way I enslaved myself to him, loving him from a distance so great it only appeals in my imagination. That being the way things were, I'm glad I'm out of that mess. Not to say that I'm not the same person that I was then. I still want to dream big. :)
I don't know what my life will become in the years to come. So much of my hopes and dreams lie on the balance between whatever and whenever. But to be really honest, I've never been so sure.
But after all these years I suppose all He wanted me to know was not that I needed the ability to dream. I've already had the ability to dream.
All I needed was the bravery to dream, the faith to see it come true, and the wisdom to know it has when I finally see it. #ilove2011
I loved living my life through the experiences of others. Not that my own lacked in flavor or even drama, just maybe even my heart transcends that of my own. I've cried watching people do well, cried watching them grow, cried along with them as they too wept, and had my heart broken many a time for heartbreak that wasn't mine.
I used to want to fix people, and how much that attracted me to them. Not that I didn't need any fixing or that I was perfect, but that my brokenness wanted, in fact, desired me to save them, fix them, make them better. I used to fall head over heels over a man I cannot fix, or who had no desire to be fixed. I think about the way I enslaved myself to him, loving him from a distance so great it only appeals in my imagination. That being the way things were, I'm glad I'm out of that mess. Not to say that I'm not the same person that I was then. I still want to dream big. :)
I don't know what my life will become in the years to come. So much of my hopes and dreams lie on the balance between whatever and whenever. But to be really honest, I've never been so sure.
But after all these years I suppose all He wanted me to know was not that I needed the ability to dream. I've already had the ability to dream.
No comments:
Post a Comment